Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
