Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
