I'm lost and stupid without you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
