bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
