My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
