I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
