Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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