She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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