Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
