she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
