I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
