you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
