Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
