I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
