happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
farters have to be the big spoon...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
