This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
