if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
