tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
