It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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