Please, let me fuck your mom
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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