Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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