im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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