Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
