We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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