i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
