she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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