Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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