Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
