he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
