I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
