I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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