I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I enjoy the company of your penis
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
