you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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