the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
