I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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