its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't turn off my feet"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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