Are we in a gay sports bar?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
