Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
