me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
