I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
