12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
