I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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