Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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