I accidentally burped into my bong.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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