He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
