yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
