trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
