Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize