It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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