Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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