My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
