Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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