we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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