I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
even my farts smell like vagina
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
