so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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