i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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