if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
