the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
