Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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