I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize
