ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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