1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You can't special order awesome
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
