Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
