Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
