Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
