You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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