I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
