Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
